It's a...

It's a bird... It's a plane... It's...

A girl.

For all you that I haven't slipped with various statements such as, "She's really kicking today" or "When she arrives..." etc, the news is out and it appears we are having a female mini-human.

It's an interesting thing. The first (very early) ultrasound I had revealed a little peanut that I could hardly see on the screen. Amazingly I could see the heartbeat even though she was just 6 weeks old at the time. That same day I started feeling as if she was a girl. No rhyme or reason behind it. I just had a feeling. And I am not one to prescribe to the "if you feel it, it's true" camp, but apparently in this case I was right.

Not surprisingly, I began wondering whether she will want to dance or not, specifically ballet. Being a professional dancer and dance teacher, it is a huge part of my life and I can't imagine being alive without dancing nearly everyday. Dance has become so integral to my existence and identity it is difficult to separate them in my mind.

Even more surprisingly, I find myself in a mental 50/50 split on whether I'd like her to want to be a ballet dancer. Especially in the professional world, even in the best of jobs/circumstances, it is harsh. I am not kidding around when I say I truly believe it is one of the most stressful careers a person can choose. I'm talking physically, mentally, and especially emotionally. I would hazard a guess that most professional dancers don't do it for the money (dancers, unless you are with a large company, are often paid less than poverty wages, yet go back year after year for more). They do it because they, like me, can't imagine their lives without it despite the fact you often feel sucked dry by the lifestyle of the career. It is the artistic air they breathe.

Me at about 8 years old, in my first Nutcracker production. I was a "Tiny Tot" (one of the children under Mother Ginger's skirt in Act 2)

It's funny to me that I'm already thinking about this as she is still in utero. I know intrinsically that I won't be able to stop her if she wants to do it. And, of course, I won't. The performing profession is full of joy, incredible highs, and personal growth. It also happens to be a career that asks so much of the performer. It asks for your heart, soul, blood, sweat and tears. It asks for everything.

Mini will have her own mind, desires, and expectations for life. Parenting is sure to be an experience that will test my abilities to let go and just observe as she tries many different things. She will succeed at some and fail at some. I am so curious about who she will be, what she will look like, and what she will choose day by day.

And being at thirty-two weeks currently, it seems I won't have long to wait to find out.