Today is one of those days that being a "feeler" on the Meyers Briggs Personality Test truly defines me... Part of what that means is that my emotions sometimes drive my day or what I decide to do. I feel certain things very deeply and this affects me in my daily life sometimes.
Sometimes in rehearsal for my piece on grief and loss (which we perform next week!) I am "in it," in the story of the piece and my brain and heart process right there in the moment while dancing and I walk out feeling refreshed and that I've processed something good. Today was not one of those days. It was a good rehearsal, but I am feeling more of the weight of the piece now, afterward. It is all sitting heavy on my heart.
Losing something precious is not something that is processed through quickly. In our case, we lost a tiny child I didn't know I was pregnant with. I began miscarrying about six hours after I found out I was actually pregnant. This happened to us a couple years ago, and I am nowhere near done processing this event in my heart. I am glad to be telling my story in hopes it will encourage someone else going through their own personal grief, but feeling that loss is hard. There's just no other way to say it. It's hard.