Friday, February 27, 2015

The Dress is... White? Blue? PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!

I personally can't see the black and blue. Actually I can kind of see a blue tint, but the black is one hundred percent elusive. And that bothers me. Here's the image if you haven't seen it and don't know what the deal is with this whole thing:

Some people see white and gold. Some people see blue and black. And this is a "problem." I have to admit it bothers me a bit that I can't see black and blue.
Apparently it's the same with everyone else, whether they can see one color or another. Why does such a small insignificant issue cause this kind of unhealthy conflict between people online?
Seriously. It's just a dress (I say to myself as I stare at it with both eyes, with one eye, out of the corner of my eye)... Nope. Still white and gold.
Do we need to agree on everything? Does everyone else need to agree with us?
It just makes me think about how much time we spend online. Here I go being Captain Obvious, but these days we see everything that is going on in the world instantaneously. We get news immediately and hear about our friends' dinners seconds after they post a picture of it on Facebook (and before they may have even taken a bite).
And I am one of the worse offenders of this, so please don't feel I am pointing a finger. I'm just observing.
To quote Leslie Knope, "Are you better off?" I'm SO grateful for the ability to stay in touch with people over social media in this time of my life when I can't be as "face to face" social with my friends. But am I better off? My personal goal is to spend more of my free moments on my Kindle rather than Facebook.
Here's my main issue with this whole dress thing. It makes me sad to hear of vitriol being tossed back and forth online over it. I see it all the time when I'm dumb enough to read the comments for internet articles. I think this instant communication has made it easier to do this kind of thing to each other, to people we don't even know. Yes, people are going to be mean sometimes no matter what the context (ie, you can be mean over a handwritten letter to strangers).
And if you've made it this far into my seemingly random dress babble, you will now be rewarded with my point. What's the root cause behind this meanness? Why do we need to be mean to each other over this issue? Why do we need to be RIGHT all the time?
We don't. Period. If you feel the need to berate someone over the color of a damn dress then I have a feeling you have some deeper emotional issues to address.
Yes. People are mean. Over petty things. I have learned (or been forced to learn) to let things roll off my back out of necessity. But I have no time to dwell on things that don't matter anymore. That's one thing a baby cured me of. The time and energy to hold onto things that don't matter.
Finally, I have to wonder at the millions of mean comments flying back and forth over social media over this not very attractive dress: Where are the people getting the time? And can they come over and do some of my laundry?

Sunday, February 15, 2015


Sometimes, I feel guilty.
I know I shouldn't, I've had people tell me over and over I shouldn't. I have told MYSELF over and over I shouldn't. If you tell me I shouldn't, I will say, "I know, I know, I know, I know I shouldn't." And this would be true. I really do know. But! Yes, there's a but! Here's how I kicked guilt's ass (pardon my French).
Right now I'm staring at my beautiful, precious baby on the monitor. She is asleep. This is a great, good, AMAZING thing-- for one, because she really really needs the sleep today. Also it means I can do other things in the house, relax, and generally take a deep breath. I could even sit and watch an episode of Friends on Netflix (if I wanted to ignore the baskets of laundry lounging around my living room) and I just might, if I wasn't writing this post right now. But I digress.
Earlier today we made plans to leave the house at 3:30 pm. We talked about feeding her at 3 and therefore would be ready to go at 3:30, diaper bag and car seat (with the Peanut inside it) in hand and jackets on. She fell asleep around 2:30 (which is not exactly the plan or her normal schedule), and is still asleep, because we've decided to not wake her.

And now it's 3:16 pm, and she's still slumbering peacefully. This means I will not be making the event I "should" be going to. We made the choice to let her sleep instead.
It seems like this is my life a lot lately. So many "shoulds," so many daily choices-- beginning with pregnancy and continuing now, I could either choose what I would like to do/eat/etc, or do what's best for her. What is best for her is a lot of times, to stay sleeping in her crib. I know I could wake her up and plop her in the car seat. I have done it before. But more and more I lean toward leaving her sleeping. Or at home, playing quietly with us because she is acting like she is getting sick. Or a number of other reasons.
I realize I've had a certain expectation of what my life "should" look like at this juncture, with a five month old baby. Being without children for so many years, I expected it to look perhaps exactly like my pre-Mini life (ie, crazy busy), add cute baby. I felt I "should" be able to do everything I was able to do before (job-wise, social-wise, and every other aspect of my life-wise), and just add a baby to it. I "should" be able to do it all, right???
Enter Mini. Caring for an infant is a full time job and even though that is a grossly overused phrase, it is true. And she is my priority. I surprise myself most times by taking so much joy in forgoing something I want for her. Yes, I could ignore her needs and bring her out anyway for fear of looking like a "flake." Or I could put her first instead. That's the real "should" in my opinion. Forgive the crassness, but this false guilt can kiss my ass because she is more important than making the event. Or missing something I had wanted to do. Bottom line is God will provide for my (and her) needs, felt and unfelt, no matter what my "shoulds" are.
So as I gaze at her through the small screen of the monitor, seeing her so peaceful and happy more than makes up for anything I might have missed. It stamps out any false guilt I might have felt. Because when she needs me, I will be there. I will fight for her, in these small moments and also in the big ones.
She is my precious priority and I will always be happy to carry her and protect her through whatever she needs.