Saturday, December 5, 2009

I need patience but I don't want to pray for it...

Ever have that problem? :)
You know what happens when you pray for patience... More trials right? Well ok, not always but enough to where my first thought after "I need more patience" is: "Well you BETTER not PRAY for it buddy. Remember what happened last time??!?"
I have started rehab for my ankle. Slow theraband excercises, limited barre combinations, stationary bike, etc. Seemed like it was doing great yesterday. No pain whatsoever. Then today I got to the third combination of my barre and my ankle yelled at me.
Ok, not literally but you know what I mean right?
It yelled in the form of pain, not too terribly much but right in the area I know I injured it. So I finished out the excercise and went on to the non-stressful-form-of-rehab-for-my-ankle, my pilates video. I'm now sitting and icing.
Big sigh. I know rehabbing (is that a word??) injuries are up and down as far as pain and progress go. I guess I was just hoping my ankle would be a gold-medalist Olympic type of ankle and say "WHATEVA, you call that EXCERCISE?!?" and subsequently ask for more.
I guess I am in for more contemplation today and meditating on acceptance of God's plan over mine... I have been encouraged lately by my friend's comments about my situation, that there IS a great purpose behind God allowing this crappy thing to happen. That's where the waiting comes in. Yeah. Not too great at that part. I would love to hear about any of your stories about difficult situations and how God worked through them, feel free to leave a comment and/or story.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Forgetting that God cares

I sprained my ankle in rehearsal last week. We open on Dec 17th for Nutcracker, and I sprain my ankle??? Come on.
Sometimes things happen that just make you ask, "Why."
In the last week I've found that I've had to dig deeper into my conversations with God, asking Him that question and trying to be ready for the answer. I haven't heard anything specific yet. One thing I know is, that because I am listening harder and more often, I am hearing His voice more. I went to Starbucks last night (when I would originally have been in Gilette, Wyoming getting ready for a tour show with the company), ordered a peppermint mocha and thought, "...and now for something completely different."
I opened up my bible and thought about what to read.
Haven't done that in a while. I was on 2 Corinthians a while ago and enjoyed it, but it just didn't seem right to flip to a random verse this particular night. Remembering that it is now officially Advent time, I thought "I'd like to have some excitement for the fact Jesus (many many years ago) was born in a human body here." Maybe not exactly on December 25th, but the important part is that He was BORN. He became a little baby whose diapers needed to be changed. He needed Mary to spoon feed Him. He went from King of the Universe and Creator and sitting above it all, to living in the grunge here with us. It's such a huge concept I can't even come close to understanding the WHY or HOW or HUH? of it all. And yes, that's the journey.
Last night I read the first chapter of Luke and was (as I always am when I choose to put the rest of my life aside and listen to God) blown away. He sent a huge, shiny, impressive angel Gabriel to a man and woman who had been trying to have a baby for years and years. They were OLD. He announced that they would have a son. Elizabeth (the wife) said, "The Lord has done this for me."
The Lord did it for her.
For her.
Sometimes I forget God cares about my heart and my desires. He isn't all about "refining my character" ONLY by putting me through, or allowing, crap in my life. He listens to prayers. He does things for people to show them He cares.
I am praying my ankle heals so I can dance. But I am also praying for Him to give me a clue into His perspective on my life and situation if He doesn't heal it in the timing I prefer. I can pray this because He reminded me He cares, and He does stuff (amazing stuff) for people in His timing. I want to wait for His answers and patiently at that.