Wednesday, March 10, 2010

I walked away from THIS????

The other night after Oklahoma rehearsal, I was going through a green light, with right of way, straight through the intersection. Another driver "miscalculated" my speed and tried to turn left in front of me before I made it through the light. These pictures show what resulted from the collision.

Before anyone freaks out, I am ok. Although, judging from the pictures and what I saw immediately after frantically jumping out of my car (thinking it was on fire) I should have been really hurt. Or worse.

On impact, my car spun to a stop to the right of the road as you can see, and the airbag deployed. It started giving off this gunsmoke-smelling looking smoke. Thus, my thought that the car was on fire. After prying the drivers side door open and getting out, I realized it wasn't going to blow up. Then I looked around, feeling really dizzy, my nose throbbing, neck hurting a bit, looking like a deer in the headlights. A witness came over to me (as did the guy that I collided with) and asked if I was ok. I thought, "Do I have a concussion?" but said, "I think so." The other guy said to me, "I am so sorry, I miscalculated your speed." How's that for an admission of fault???

Then after a couple minutes of gathering my wits about me, I tried to squeeze myself back in the car to get my phone. Couldn't find it, and had to borrow the other guys phone.
All the rest of the story is pretty boring, I called Casey, they called the police, the fire department guys (who were SO comforting and calming, by the way-- loved them) came and checked my vitals and said I looked good and ok but I should go get checked out at the ER just in case. We cleaned out the car. We sat and filled out a bunch of paperwork, statements for the police, etc.

I couldn't believe how bad the car looked. We had to tow it, and we are thinking it's probably totaled. Which in actuality might be a good thing since we'll get more back on it. We're hoping for that.

I think the main point of my story is to share how strange it was to walk away from a car that looks like this. The impact felt immense and even though I was only going 40 it felt like time stood still for a split second before we collided. In that split second, as I was slamming on the breaks and turning to try to avoid a collision, I thought, "I'm going to be hurt from this.... DANG and it's show week of all weeks!!!" After I regained focus after the car stopped, I couldn't believe that I wasn't more badly hurt. The main issue now, a couple days later, is my neck (it's sore) and my nose is pretty sore as well. I guess God has more plans for me here, and that I am not done with the things He wants me to do. That is a humbling and awe-inspiring thing, to know it could have turned out so differently. If I had been in another lane, or if I had left rehearsal a few seconds earlier or later... Who knows. But I know one thing, that it was nothing I did to keep myself safe. It was just not my time to leave yet. And, although it would also be great to go be with God, for that I am glad.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Mardi Gras Ball Dance Showcase Photos

A couple weeks ago I was privileged to go home to California and dance at a Mardi-Gras Ball Dance Showcase. The majority of the performers were ballroom and swing dancers, but I performed a contemporary ballet piece. It was one of the most encouraging experiences-- ballroom dance audiences tend to clap whenever they like something (which is often), even whoop and holler at things they think are good. Typical ballet audiences can be shy of clapping for what they like and only clap at the end. For me, getting applause for things (and the amazing compliments I recieved afterward) was surprising and encouraging in the best way.
In my heart I dedicated this performance to my grandfather who recently passed away. It was a very powerful night for me for all these reasons.

Thursday, March 4, 2010


Today I found out that my character has been being grossly misunderstood by someone in my life. I tried to explain my true intentions and they were having none of it. It is a heartbreaking thing to find out that someone believes something false of you and will not change their mind or even try to understand where you are coming from.
God is my ultimate Judge and perfect, loving Father. Days like today remind me that I CANNOT (if I am to emotionally survive in this world) trust in man's (or women's) opinions, thoughts or beliefs concerning me. It makes my heart relax more than a bit to know I have God to run to. I don't have to depend on other people's view of me to know the truth about myself and the world.
"He brings princes to naught and reduces the rulers of this world to nothing." (Isaiah 40:23)
He is the trump card! He is the one that created the "rulers" in this world, and HE gets to decide what we are worth. I hope I can really let this simmer in my heart today and beyond, because even if this person never cares to find out the real truth about my character, it will save me a whole lot of emotional energy.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010


Elf is one of my favorite movies. I love Will Ferrell, and I love the character he plays. His unabashed excitement for life and candy and smiling is just hilarious. Sometimes I wish I was more like that... I was born with a streak of melancholy in me and am sometimes more likely to look in deep thought than just be smiling for no reason.
One of my favorite lines in this movie is: "Smiling's my favorite!" It is a funny line but also has me thinking. Why isn't smiling MY favorite? Do I let my stress get to me and my melancholy streak take hold too often? I don't know. Some people I know are just naturally fun, smiley people. They have a hard day and just "shake it off" or "look on the bright side." I also think the fact I am a "feeler" in the Meyers Briggs personality test has something to do with this as well.
When most people meet me for the first time, a lot of times they think I am shy, quiet, and/or serious. Then, later they say to me, "WOW, you are so much sillier and more quirky than I thought at first!"
This bothers me. I want to be able to wear my personality on my sleeve and be who I am right away, and not just reveal my more fun aspects after I get to know someone. Yes, I can be a pretty serious person, but I like to also think my silly side is just as big, if not bigger. So I think from now on I will try to smile more and to look at the glass as half-full. Not to be blind about the world and it's bad things, but to choose to shake the bad off instead of holding onto it.