Tuesday, February 23, 2010

An Imaginary Glance

It's been a not so good week already. My grandpa passed away, which is pretty much like losing a father. I got sick after I got home from California. At work, we jumped straight into rehearsal with a guest choreographer who I can tell does not like me, and my ankle is acting up again. I have drama in my life that I would like not to be there. I don't know where my career in dance is going at all, and if it will continue past these next three weeks. Is it possible to have peace in all this?
I think so. But it takes focus on a certain thing.
Today I had a bad moment. A really bad one. So, I decided to take an imaginary glance into my future in ballet. It looked dismal, dreary, dark, empty. I felt totally useless. But you know what? God trumped the imaginary glance and dropped a tiny, beautifully wrapped present into my heart. Suddenly, in that moment, I had peace even though I felt like everything I've worked for was falling apart. Despite the fact that I have not been too great at including God in my life lately, he just gave me that moment of peace, unearned and undeserved. I saw who it is in my life that really matters and who is taking care of me. Himself, for one. My husband, my friends, my cute little mama.

Not to mention the opportunities that have dropped into my life lately, opportunities to perform several different places in the next few months. These also feel like little gifts. Just when I think I have failed at what I moved out here to do, God says, as if he is holding out that exquisitely wrapped box to me: "Look what I brought you. No, not there.... HERE. It is in my hands."

1 comment:

AllisonLynn said...

Thanks for sharing from your beautiful heart! May God continue to permeate your imagination and your future!

I'm experiencing God's peace this week too. . .as I prepare for my comprehensive exams on Saturday. His peace is such a great gift!!