Saturday, June 23, 2012

Dream.

Hauntingly, heartbreakingly beautiful:

"Long walks in the dark, through woods grown behind the park, I asked God who I'm supposed to be. The stars smiled down on me, God answered in silent reverie. I said a prayer and fell asleep. I had a dream, that I could fly from the highest tree. I had a dream." (Priscilla Ahn, "Dream")

I highly recommend watching the entire music video and hearing her amazingly beautiful voice for yourself: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKfDwChOoHI

I have dreamed of being a professional ballet dancer since the age of seven. Fast forward to a moment over a year ago, before a show with Ballet Ariel, minutes before stepping onstage. I had my iPod in, and was listening to calming songs to subdue my typical pre-show butterflies. "Dream" began to play, and the above line ("God answered in silent reverie...") struck me straight to the depths of my soul. I happened to be pacing nearby a mirror at the time, and looked myself straight in the face-- stage makeup on, flower wreath around my ballet bun, and costume/pointe shoes tied on and ready to go. I saw in that mirror a professional ballet dancer, ready to go onstage and share my love and joy of dancing with whoever was sitting in that audience. 

I don't know how I hadn't realized it until then-- but God had answered my hopes and prayers.

Peter Strand and I in "Napoli" with Ballet Ariel, March 2011

God had answered my prayers, but as a seven year old, I had no idea what that would look like. I don't remember specifically, but I'm pretty sure I'd hoped to be a principal dancer in a big, well known ballet company like New York City Ballet or American Ballet Theatre. I know that as I grew older (especially as a teen), that this specific hope became much more pronounced. Sometimes dreams don't pan out the way we originally plan. God knew that with my personality and emotional makeup, a big, crowded, competitive company of 30+ dancers was not the right fit for me or my talents. He knew that I would emotionally and artistically thrive in a smaller community-- and handpicked the people I'd work with and under. This is exactly what has happened. I absolutely adore where I am at artistically with my current company. It is a difficult, sometimes back-breaking career with many challenges. Nevertheless, I see it as an amazing gift from the one who created me with specific talents and passions, and placed me exactly where I am now.

"I had a dream that I could fly from the highest tree..." God listens to our hopes and desires, and when we share these with Him, He answers us in the best, most beautiful and perfect way possible.

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