My Smallest Miracles

Kevin and Rebecca and I in Greg Gonzales' "figs of my im." (photo by Peter Strand)

Sometimes miracles happen. Big ones, small ones, "insignificant" ones that slip by unnoticed if you don't pay attention to what is happening around you. They pull the dingy gray curtain back from your ordinary day and remind you that there is a beauty beyond what we see.

Every time I step onstage I expect the unexpected. Years of performing have taught me to do this, and I am never disappointed. I was privileged to perform again with Ballet Ariel (pictured above in Greg Gonzales' contemporary piece "figs of my im.") in "Fire Dances," a mixed rep on October 13th at the PACE Center in Parker, Colorado. Saturday brought to us two performances in one day, which would not normally have phased me-- however, this show brought more strenuous dancing than ever before. I am pleased to report that I got through the two shows fine, with even enough energy to go out afterwards to eat and relax with the company and friends.

In my mind, the biggest miracles I experienced on Saturday weren't necessarily making it through tech week and the two shows punctuating it. They were the amazing moments I experienced onstage despite being tired. My favorite part of performing, as many of you know (and I have blogged about before), is creating a character for the steps I do in rehearsal and onstage. This gives me a way to "flavor" the choreography and tell a story instead of just doing technique for the sake of technique. I don't find anything wrong with simple technique (that's the beauty of Balanchine!), but this is how I am built: When I have a reason for doing a leap or turn, I find that my performance quality goes up tenfold and I have so much more motivation to push through the physicality.

Some miraculous moments for myself and my characters in rehearsal and performance: Allowing the music of "La Bayadere" to transport me to India and transform me into Nikiya the temple dancer, a woman with a burning secret she cannot tell anyone... Playing with facial expressions and interactions as "The Flirt" with Charlie Chaplin in Ilena Norton's "The Chase," and being part of creating bits of comedy that made the audience laugh... Channeling my inner alien supermodel and attempting to control the mind of a man in a chair ("figs of my im."), this motivation becoming second nature onstage (as if it were totally normal like shifting gears in the car, or making the bed)... Almost feeling the boiling lava pour out of my fingers as Pele the volcano goddess-- the passion, anger, and self-absorbed nature of this goddess taking over as I pushed my way through the final part of the show... The countless interactions between performers as we tell a story together and inexplicably become one in the process.

The biggest miracles sometimes last only a couple minutes, or even just a fraction of a second. I am so grateful God has opened my eyes to these gifts and allows me to share them with others. These moments are so precious and I have learned to protect them fiercely against self doubt, fear, and circumstances beyond my control. I am looking forward to more miraculous moments in the next couple months through the Nutcracker process!